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alcohol,
had brought him to a state of mental, physical and emotional exhaustion.
In despair, he mixed up a suicide shot and said his last prayers
to an unyielding Universe.
“I said
goodbye to my kids, mentally,” he told HeroinTimes,
“and was serenely ready to die. I was totally f**ked. I had used
for five
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years
after all my veins collapsed. I had used for ten years after I
had bottomed out at 52 kilos - and I’m 6 ft tall, so I was a walking
skeleton, with Hep C, holed shoes, gappy teeth and a spirit in
agony and defeat. I couldn’t take another minute. I’d used drugs
since 1965 and was in daily addiction from 1973 till 1998 - a
Silver Jubilee isn’t it?”
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He had
tried many times to kick “hammer” as it’s known in Sydney. “At
least 100 serious home detoxes by my count,” narcosis recalls.
“At the very point of topping myself, I remembered that maybe
twenty years ago someone told me that Carlos Castaneda had written
that when all hope is gone, you can always find your “cubic centimetre”
of light to go into.
At that point, while the heavens didn’t open, I had my Bill W.
experience,”
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narcosis
said, referring to the life-changing peak experience that Bill
W., the founder of AA had when detoxing.
The broken
junkie had never been to an institutional detox, nor a rehab,
nor any recovery meeting. He had scarcely heard of help for addicts.
But by an almost miraculous chain of circumstances, that night
he found himself standing up and pleading for help in a room full
of 150 or more NA members.
continue He hasn’t
used...
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