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The New You ... continued
The roots of the quandary have to be unveiled.
People are more vulnerable to the seductive forces of addictions at certain times in their lives than at others: losing a loved one, a job, realizing that something that they had hoped for will not come to be. People must learn to accept those things that they cannot change. The term "addictive personality" describes someone who is more likely to develop an addiction than someone with a different personality.
In his book The Heart of Addiction, Lance Dodes, MD, calls addiction an emotional problem. He explained that some patients who had trouble stopping an addictive behavior »»
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felt better as soon as they decided to resume their old patterns of self-destruction. Such relief occurred before the activity itself recommenced. Dodes described a man with alcoholism who spent nearly an entire day trying to fix his computer. His frustration mounted until he decided to go out for a bottle of vodka. For him, deciding to buy the vodka helped the man to feel more in control.(3)
What that man failed to see was that he was more in control of the destruction of his own physical and psychological demise. Newfound hope and vitality can only be achieved with the introduction of something more productive than self-pity motivated, destructive, old ways.
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How can a person move closer to one’s true self? The addict is most often preoccupied with sidewalk philosophizing to change the world, but never one’s self. One must be clear about choosing a habit-changing goal that is powerfully valuable to that person. Never emphasize an "ought to do" goal, based on other’s wishes. Instead, people can serve themselves best by striving for that which they find most satisfying.
If people choose a new behavior that someone else gives to them, it will not only be unfulfilling, but it will ultimately lead them to relapse back into their initial detrimental actions. If one truthfully doesn’t want that change, it will not occur. "Problems that remain persistently insolvable should always be suspected as questions that were asked in the wrong way." wrote philosopher, Alan Watts.(4)
In the face of a relapse, the struggling addict should maintain an unbending image of success. As Soren Kierkegaard, the 19th Century Danish theologian said, "People celebrate ...»»
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