But too many of us do judge, even though few of us are absolutists who abstain from all alkaloids. Like many of my fellows, I smoke bundles of cigarettes everyday and guzzle quarts of coffee. I take Excedrin for my headaches and ibuprofen for my arthritis pain. Suffering from chronic clinical depression, I also eat 40 mgs. of Prozac every morning.

Thanks to the Prozac, a small minority of self-righteous dope

fiends thus maintains that I'm not really "clean." Unlike so many others in the same leaky emotional boat, I refuse to hide my use of psychiatric medication. When leading a meeting, I even make a point of talking about how treating my depression seriously has been an important part of my recovery. Meanwhile, the self-assured critics puff away and slam their tenth cup of coffee as they sneeringly judge the quality of my recovery.

As for my own perhaps equally inconsistent view, I'm not an Step Nazi by any stretch: I don't believe in God, especially not the 12-step "Santa Christ" Higher Power whom, we are told, will shower us with all the bounteous gifts of life if only we behave like good boys and girls. I don't believe that 12-step recovery is necessarily the only path to salvation for all suffering addicts. And I don't believe all of life's problems can be solved by rigorously working those steps (most of which I can't work as written, anyway, because they hinge on belief in Santa Christ).

That said, I also believe that by allowing me to work an idiosyncratic program that truly works for me, N.A. has literally saved my life. And, finally, I agree with the fellowship's official judgment that the full participation of methadone maintenance patients create genuine. I recognize that once tolerance has been established to the prescribed dose, those maintained on meth are no longer getting loaded.
But that's not really the point. How can...»»